perhaps i shall begin at the very beginning. though the exact commission of your start here is unknown, i do have a few guesses, which might just stay my secrets until forever. i can recall, with a sense of vivid pleasure, the night that you made your presence undeniably known to me. we were busy creating, amidst the salt-laden air of the coast, stars beaming endless messages to the prominent caps of waves. the night's warmth moved on a breeze that might have begun beneath untouched waterfalls, coves of iridescence and dolphins fishing-from wherever it did rise to greet the evening it had gathered such grace that by the time up the front porch and in through the wide dark windows it did move, i rose immediately, leaving the warmth of lights and laughter for the wide sky.
every detail of that house has been driven into my mind~its screaming mostly teal exterior, the resin-covered plywood floor of the living-room. it was this space that i crossed to find my way to the wide wooden door, push down on the thin curving brassed handle and out onto the porch. that door did stick in a certain spot, and upon release slam finally, announcing each visitor at any hour. the many coats of differing colored paint did almost pad the ancient wood of that back deck, framed in ohia from high on the mountain. though the sun did often cut the afternoon with its slate-deep heat, the wandering ocean mists never did let those layers of paint dry enough not to catch the slightest bit beneath naked feet.
three steps down, wide again, as the sky where the ocean finally rose into its infinity, steps where musicians sat to cry into the setting sunlight, steps where i did vow on my first visit, to someday live in this castle on the sea. (the sun set that day as well, burning heat into the crisp endless waves) and out onto the most delicious grass i have to this day ever set foot upon. in fact, it was one of my deepest joys in the days of our staying in kealia, to find myself, most often in the evening in that grass somehow.
such welcome and how, leaving the bound wood of that house for the supple, pillowy green. instantly, to dance i took, unwinding circles to the palms and ocean-front. it was this ocean opening that months before on your father's birthday, i did greet the souls of thousands of fierce shadowy warriors, who had decided to bless us with their road passing.
though i had ultimately felt my body's beginnings to accommodate the growing of you, it was not until here in the presence of such stars and strength that the undeniable reality of your coming punched me directly in the ajna. recoiling against the sheer strength of the being that had in moments before descended the spiraling heavens and into me, i caught the first glimpse of you. equal in strength to your abrupt entry to my body, was my response to you, a pushing back against forces unseen and unknown with the fresh eyes of my long sleeping warrioress.
so began the delicious dance of us, most sweet one. you grew, and grew. my organs moved, stomach shifting, shifting until it rested somewhere next to my heart and your brain uncurled, long strands of our bloodlines woven fresh in you. one day i awoke to you swimming spirals, just as i had seen the pods of spinners do so many times. how exquisite to carry your body unfolding, to move in meditation through the waxing and waning of so many days.
through the art of dreaming you shared your soul with me...masculine, feminine, trickster, healer. the twin moons of your birth became soon a mated pair of Hawaiian white owls, and a sacred gathering was arranged for your coming. as the end of your body's gestation wound into a nearly finished home, my pores began to open, your light streaming through my skin. never in this body, have i worn a part so proudly as the belly that filled with a private ocean cradled you.
forever changed i am, into someone infinitely more myself.
in gratitude,
me
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